Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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