last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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