All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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