my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
