I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
