What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
