What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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