Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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