It's like God shit irony all over that family
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
