Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
