I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
