Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
