I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was born a porn star she said
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
