well I can't set my house on fire every night
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That accounts for only three of the penises
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
