I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
