some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I didn't notice because vodka
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
