"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
