Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
