dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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