If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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