I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
