Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
