There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
