my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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