just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wish my penis had a tongue
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
