i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
