That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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