I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I understand Curling. That high.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
