so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My bed smells like the plague
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
