at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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