I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
