How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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