I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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