She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
