In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
