some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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