i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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