You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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