he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
