NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
