Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
