I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
