My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
