I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i don't like sucking hair
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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