Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
