I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the day after is always just damage control
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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