I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
