My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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