Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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