It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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