Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
