it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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