we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
